Read This. Or Don’t…
But if you do and it resonates, let’s hang out…
I made them feel uncomfortable. When I asked why and how, there was no reason. Then, the way I texted upset her. It wasn’t what I said—it was the way I said it.
In the moment I apologized, but with time to reflect I now realize I was being authentic. I was just being myself. And while some people think nothing of how I speak and act, and some even enjoy who I am, others don’t like it. Now what?
…
This past year delivered the transformation I never expected. It was a transformation I could’ve sworn had already taken place in my twenties. The only way I’ve been able to describe this feeling is: I stopped being a “girl” and became an adult woman. Yes, at 37 years old one might expect this. But what I mean is, I read the books, listened to the podcasts, went through a serious healing journey, but only now do I know this: the way others feel when we speak and act from a place of confidence, authenticity, and empowerment will either attract or deflect. There is no in-between. I so often hear that people who are not aligned with our energy or values will drop out of our lives, while others will be magnetized toward us. And now I can attest…throughout our lives we all hold our own frequency, and as our frequency shifts, so do the people surrounding us.
Something I’ve been experiencing lately is how sometimes we are able to return to past relationships after having healed our wounds. Similarly, I’ve often been drawn back to friends who have healed theirs. It’s a beautiful thing.
I’ve been reflecting on past lives where I shrank myself next to women who I felt had too much personality, charisma, or confidence. I usually thought of her as conceited, or even a b*tch in some cases. Now, I am that woman, and I’m drawn to other women like this. I accept this fact with a smile in my heart and a good deal of pride.
After this year I’ve been able to understand and forgive every woman I’ve ever held resentment toward—a boss, a friend, a colleague. They were simply being authentic, and I can see that now. As these women dropped out of my life (and I out of theirs), the separation led each of us closer to our desired outcomes in life.
Here are a couple of personal examples that have been on my mind:
I once had an employer who told me I was a bad “cultural fit,” and she let me go. I was livid—triggered by the language she used. But I now realize she was right. She told me, “You will thank me one day,” and here I am. Thankful. Every moment I spent at that job depleted more of my soul and spirit. I was not happy in the environment or the culture. It was “glamorous” from the outside, but I was always looking for a way out. She let me go, and within the week I found a more aligned job where I worked with talented, playful, brilliant humans. I traveled to Italy with them (my favorite place in the world) during my first month on the job.
In my teens I had a frenemy (glad to say we’re on good terms as adults). She and her sister walked, stood, acted, and spoke with confidence almost 100% of the time I spent with them. I thought they were cold. Now I realize they were confident. Their parents raised them as strong women from a young age. They both knew their self-worth, and although they were known as “mean girls,” as an adult I have so much respect for those young women and the people who raised them.
As I step into becoming one of those women—one who knows her self-worth and accepts that this may push some people away—I see how this is for everyone’s greatest good. Girls have much to learn from women, and as I stand in the center of the portal from one level to the next, I realize all girls deserve love, patience, and sometimes guidance, because this world does not make it easy on females. As a result, we often spend the earlier years of life people-pleasing, comparing, and “love & light”-ing our way through.
The expectations are so high for women to have it all together. But what having it together really takes is experiences—more life—before we can truly arrive at a place where we have it together, and in our own timing. For the record, I define “having it all together” as trusting that everything in life will work out, knowing that everyone is doing the best they can, and developing the skills it takes to enjoy life in the present moment. Through triggers and challenges we decide on a grounded level to respond instead of reacting.
I found this Waxwing feather on my walk. A Waxwing feather is a rare find and often seen as a sign to lean into joy, gather with your “flock,” and trust in the rhythm of abundance and change.
So next time someone tells you that you aren’t their cup of tea, or they don’t like the way you are, maybe you can take it as a compliment. Or at least an invitation to continue on your path with more confidence and certainty that you’re standing in your truth as an individual.
But I’m new to the club so women, friends—I invite you to share your tips and advice for how we can continuously stand in our confidence without grasping for people and circumstances as they fall away. How can we allow life to take its course and circumstances to have their seasons?